Collin, however, has brought me to see God's full potential for me and see His love really for the first time. He blessed me more than I ever thought could be possible with her life. I just chose to believe and not argue with God. I sought him out more, but was so consumed in every aspect of Heather's life and her living. However, I didn't reach my potential in finding God through her. Heather taught me to "Walk by faith, not by sight." Heather taught me that miracles can always happen, for "She is HIS miracle". Heather taught me the definition of unconditional love. Heather taught me to just push the "I believe" button. Heather brought me to just have FAITH in God. I let the joy fill me and consume me, but unfortunately, I couldn't shake the grief. That joy was my sweet little lion, Collin.
Now, next to my grief was this unimaginable amount of overflowing JOY. Our life was so NEW! Although my joy was through the roof, my grief became present all over again.but in a different way. Heather was in the hospital for three months and five days.and Collin just a few short days. Was this real? I know everyone says each child is so different, and you cannot compare them to one another.that sure is true, but it was at an entirely different level for us with a medically fragile baby and a healthy baby.with one baby living in our hearts in heaven, and now one living in our arms again. We walked in the door of our home, and we were HOME! We got to stay there! I took him immediately into our room, and rocked him and cried. Going home a few days after Collin being born was nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. Right away, from the moment he came out roaring into our lives, he was a "mama's boy". My tears of joy could have flooded that room. Thomas and I were in complete shock! I couldn't believe that my sweet little boy knew me right out of the womb! I was consumed and overtaken with instant love for Collin. He KNEW who I was! He knew that I was his momma! He knew he was back to the place of comfort where his entire life had been. Hearing Thomas say the endearing details about our son comforted me so much, along with Collin's voice that didn't come down a notch! Finally, the nurse sweetly and lovingly brought Collin to me, laid him on my chest, (still screaming), and once he touched me, once his body just barely touched mine, Collin's eyes IMMEDIATELY locked with mine and his loud lion "roar", came to a stop. Thomas continued to tell me from the other side of the room that Collin had dark hair, he was big, wiggly, and all the sweet details about our boy.
As I eagerly waited behind a curtain being sewn up, my eyes were constantly fixed on trying to get a glimpse of my child again.
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